Tag Archives: emotions

Somewhere Else

I’m in that cream sunday daze and the light from the portholes isn’t enough to spoil the colour of the walls like skin like eyelids

I feel you holding me in your sleep and for the first time it isn’t claustrophobic 

For the first time I don’t get anxious about moving or waking the other person – waking you – because now everything is okay

The smell of spring is waiting around the truck 

I think if I get up the morning will massage my skin with its cold fingers so I glaze over at the back doors for a while and the chair and the piles of beloved and lost things

I imagine the stories of those pieces I don’t know, a faded shirt from a treasured night or gifted from an old friend, a half-empty tin of lighter fuel, piles of carefully chosen sea stones

I see a face looking up at me and a tail wagging and

if he knows I’m awake

well, I mean, who can say no to that?

As I slide out of bed you grumble something and stifle a chuckle and turn over to the wall

I mind my feet  and as I unlatch the door and drop it down to let the world in

as I feel fur brushing against my calves and knees, 

I remember

I’m sat on a toilet 

the speaker plays soft sad boy and sad girl music 

the hair of the bath mat between my toes

I was reading poems while the shit poured from me 

and I started to think I was somewhere else

Immaculate

you implant a child in me the way
an angel implanted mary

as you unlatch you dribble on the sheets
crawl up to rest your head upon my belly
in the warm glow of a Sunday morning

you lie there and listen for months
as she grows
in the sunlight streaming through the blinds
you massage my tummy to
feel her feet
and when you kiss me you watch
my eyes for our glint that will also be hers

i shift in the bed to take my place for her coming
i feel her wriggling and pushing to get out
and meet the world to meet you
but you are gone
to get something from the other room did you say

i guide her and she guides me as her head emerges
i reach out a hand to protect her and support her
straining and stretching my muscles
we birth
we lie bloody and sweaty in the warm evening air

I see you through the glass

you have my eyes
and my hair
and my face
but you seem to be screaming
and ripping lumps of flesh from your arms
and kissing the glass hard with your forehead
until it bleeds and you reel around
tears mixing in pink rivulets
that drip from the stubble on your chin

And that’s not anything I’d be involved with.

We stand among the pebbles

Our broken toes shifting in the dust
Our crusty nails wet with salt water

The seashells echo our silence like
There is a sea somewhere beyond
The way skin touches

Our hair is sweat and spray
It curls in our eyes
And you smile at me

So I step closer on pinprick stones
I take my lips and I slide
Love between your ribs

You hold it there like a wound
And then it drops from your fingers
A stern face pleads for the past
I don’t know what my face does

Palm Springs Rest

I like bland and bright LA lowrises, old hotels
With their cascading futurism and the kind
Of emptiness of canvas you just can’t get with
An arctic cabin, the struggle for air and fire
No I like the wavey white walls and glass
The palms in the court, the once pristine laze
Setting a backdrop for sweaty romances
You can do so much with an unassuming setting
Heat turned up by way of numbing
Everything in the sun is like a dream
And it blinds you so good the pools of light
Thru trees and the press on your skin a slow
Sexual exhaustion perhaps in one of the bedrooms
Above the ground floor see neighbours stagger
Deck chairs and mint juleps, deck chairs
And whisky under the tongue, deck chairs
You phone room service to demand more
Ice and turn over in your bedsheets with handfuls
The sun on the white walls and thru the glass
There’s green outside even with the palm trees
Your sheets smell musky your pants on the floor
Staring at the doorway and slowly opening and
Closing your mouth and breathing through your nose
You are in the bland day twilight the opposite of dusk
Painful desert are those sandals on the floor
From the beach the night sand small glass what
Room service yeah yeah opening the door
Grabbing the bottle from the tray and on the balcony
The Johnsons downstairs are arguing again
But this is all in passing because you
Perhaps someone you met last night is staying
The man who came from the sea stinking of salt
You let your fingers drift over his leg hairs
He looked at you or was it an accidental brush sorry
And over there she is, glancing at you from
The bar, the car, some farish distance and then
You feel lips on your lips and your friend here
She is kissing you and you forget and remember
And pushing your tongue out awkwardly
She rests her hot forehead on yours as you
Rest your hot hand on your forehead raise
The whisky glass to your lips and look out
And even the Johnsons can’t break the spell
I – you never believed you would get here
The luxury of a cheap hotel in summer with
Room service easy quarts of scotch nickel
Beer in the bar romance oozing from every
Orifice not that there are many of those in
The clean hotel walls you finger the bottleneck
And look at the sheen on your finger and lick
Your finger and feel your gums pink and
Irrepressible you fill your glass again taking it
Out onto the court into the heat you sort of
Shuffle around seeing who’s awake among
The dead bleaching in the day occasionally
Spasming with dreams of nights past
You sniff and sip your drink as the room service
Whirls through in inexplicable blue trousers
And this bell boy cap like a crown you imagine
Him years later in trackies and a wifebeater still
Wearing the battered and greying cap-crown
They’ll ask him what it says and he’ll drink some
Of his beer turn up the TV and fart loudly
You fart quietly as you leave the sun and the bar
Room looks so dark even with the windows
And the french doors open and the bright blue walls
The water lines off the fish tank dancing it feels
Like a little breeze has tickled your face but still
You’re cooking like a cake and sidle up to the
Bartender flipping cocktail parts and the sound
Of pouring you edge onto a chrome barstool and put
Your glass down and in the mirror this bartender is so
Hey so what can I get you a pornstar martini and you
Look at your whisky and you finish it and say yeah
The bartender has a red waistcoat and it’s offputting
Hey so didn’t I see you at the beach the other night
What yeah I think you’re the writer right no I
Yeah I remember everyone kept saying you were
Pretending to be one of your characters the one with
No that’s not me you must be thinking of someone else
Oh well maybe the bartender flourishes with a bit of
Something and the drink comes down with a clink
Glass on glass you sip it and look at discarded
Passion fruit husks until the next drink is whisky

After you visit this place I lick my fingers

I rub salt in my hair feel the beads on my belly
Watch as the rivulets flow across the hillside
Drip into the bushy valley or off the edge off
The world that keeps your breath in my mouth
Batons of wind brush the dampened trees meet
The source that springs biblical waters onto these
Less holy places so-called

Rich and chalky waters puddle in the tairn risen
Up through rock and stone that shrink in wet
Precipitation so call up the eyes under lids
Watch as the rivulets flow across the hillside
Drip into the bushy valley or off the edge off
The world that keeps your breath in my mouth
Batons of wind brush the dampened trees meet
The source that springs biblical waters onto these
Less holy places so-called but truly alive for this
Moment the dragon scales rest the mist is clear or
Thick fog of dreams all up the valley walls run
The blessed hand shining in the half-light the red
In embers burning below the waiting for air heat
Nestled deep we have been visited by the spirit
After you visit this place I lick my fingers
I rub salt in my hair feel the beads on my belly
And somewhere your dribbling adoration slips
From my mouth

After you visit this place I lick my fingers
I rub salt in my hair feel the beads on my belly
Watch as the rivulets flow across the hillside
Drip into the bushy valley or off the edge off
The world that keeps your breath in my mouth
Batons of wind brush the dampened trees meet
The source that springs biblical waters
And my pit and my base moves no mud
Cleansed the liquid dust opened the vapours
I place myself on a pedestal of you

And

And I want you to push your fingers through my skin like tattoo needles
With the tickling drawing stains on my nerves as much as nails draw blood
With the softness of your contours meshing in mine your pads roving across
This cut surface I fray in distress at your missing meat not between my
Sometimes I hold a pen between my thighs and I press it
I roll it and I touch it on my fingertips to draw hard so the ink leaks
And licking my stains I roll and curl and think I can feel you again
The flesh of you the sticky sweat that slows tenderness I pull you close

I

Don’t think I’m that important in this scenario
Unless
Maybe
You think so? Because if you do, I’m like the importantest
But I’ll have humility about it
I’m not the kind
Of person
To write a long ‘poem’ on the subject,
Ya know?

I think I could just be
With you
Or
Like
Occasionally occur in your consciousness
Oh man
That’d be so cool

Yeah I think that’d be really nice

Maybe that’s what love is do you think?
This sometime romantic collision
Of thoughts
Isn’t it the most romantic when it’s basically not real
When it’s like two imaginations kissing and
And neither of them know?

That’s probably very romantic
Like a train
You know
Like a train drifting above the town
Like a roller coaster train
A monorail maybe, just
Flying through the air somewhere
I don’t know, it just does it

Yeah

Or maybe a space rocket that takes you
Through the safe air
To darkness, to being truly alone
To suffocating dead

Or, or it’s like a theatre I guess
Maybe at some weird university
A school but not if you know what I mean
Like all these rich kid shenanigans
Strange rituals
So in the theatre you can barely tell
What’s
What’s performance
Do you see where I’m coming from?

Nah you’re right I think the train is nice
I like sitting on there
Just
Watching the world continue
As it goes by

Could you
Maybe
Could you
Like
Come with me?
Not necessarily on a train but
Trains are nice
I proved that (sort of)
So… so maybe you could?

I like being near you
It’s nice
You seem
To
Like it
Too
Unless you’re lying but you wouldn’t do that

I think