Shake my spine awake as bristles fall Gaze slides over the streetlights the lamp I fell onto dreaming of you and wishing You would take me again through blood The smile when you saw my scarred nose The fear in your eyes the warnings before I miss sitting on your chest I miss you Pulling my legs close while I wriggle on Your fallen angel keep you close to me Our fallen angel keep me tight to you The way the heart hurts for what it wants The way my mouth gets wet to see you Prayers I say to the night the moon Its dead gods whisper in my ears that Thing of ours like my child kicking is still Breath in my lungs catching your stare As you fill me and plant me and make me Trees have it easier they don’t have to go
If I don’t let you in you can’t Right I mean that’s how that Works and so what if I’m never Happy at least I’ll never breathe A breath knowing you left me and Find my own air tastes different Rots the lungs drips out the pores At least Though five minutes is worth The seeping whistle of a puncture For eternity if with you
Get up because that next line on Telly is in your mouth the cushion Edge of your seat is dripping over You’re almost in a yoga chair and Somewhere vapour cools so you Light a cigarette and smoke dances Sweats the little coughs that sound Like asking you reveal your brand You move your eyes you call help To get the kettle and change channel And change and demand the same Rewind remixed grainier than before Your VHS screaming tapes a light Blue-grey a colour just above hospitals And if I touch anything it does not belong To you so I hold my fingers close As I listen to the world in your mouth or The telly that glows on your face Pales in the pale radiation another ad plays To my silence lost in the glare of this smoke Breathes my pores and I taste the line Like almonds or snacks which sit salted Beyond our reach
When I talk you hear petals in the wind A wheeze of pretty vapours from my red Lips some siren singing out of tune cries Before your dull pupils as you speak This is her this is the mad one Cassandra Licks your ears wet and thick dumb I drip nectar on your floor I sip your heart The spirit wind fills these aether veins cut By arrows crushed under foot under wheel This death is a love poem and life sears Open tips shut the flow to bottle up wisdom On the draw of a fool card some back alley Game you like to wonder by watching Pictures move beyond your hands your eyes Money drops you see it slide from this purse This grip you had not considered loosening so While I spread my legs you strut away and Dogs take their turn knotting you say That’s what she wanted and I say I’ll take it
Very clear sky tonight only two clouds In the ink we’re floating above the water Not winded like they usually are Motioned we’re sitting on the concrete spur Watching the sea pass us by pass in front Pass the pebbles to our feet licking toes Dragging us off into the current the lift Air passes by our coats forelorn our t-shirts The clouds are joining now that they see We bathe in the moonlight glitter the eyes Seed ears on the rocks cold hard on the soles Never lack for warmth after dark when the Moon speaks your name / in my mouth And when the sun burns the same words too Fit this skin but there the clear sky
Flap rubber and canvas on the concrete spent You stride as ballet holding the bear warm Close below your ribs and bunny ears on Tattered sleeves pass cold pillars hold the sky Echos whistling through your headphones Skip in your step the bright lights in the dark Shadows in the day slap the fuzz awake some Shinflesh in the gravel I wish I could lay these Lips on your lids and breathe the feeling thru Your teeth as it fizzes my veins as it touches These fingers but it lands off hides beneath a Tongue burrows in the wax and whine we Wear our old badges that remember death worse
That springs to rub along sides Grasp and hold in warm places You thought some libertine’s Evening that these bodies Would stop your capturing So wanton a hare as this Loose on your lot and holding My hips some sachets of condiment Served for this blissful moment Ghosts possess the mind’s eye Totemic emblems are tossed
The fact of a mythological meeting Is always lost whether In faerie caverns or converted Bedrooms the feel of my flesh Between your fingers recedes Dreamt away with the flaccid joy Of distinctly female caresses Needing to be touched The alarm clock and the bottle unfinished The questions dissolved in ultraviolet daylight
A dark Soho street or wherever there’s some red light Basement drinking wine bars with charming waiters Conversation and red blood flowing in the town’s Ghost rivers that drown below the pavements but really I mean the moonlight and the yellow street lamps and You taking me to a place telling me what wines to buy Sometimes I just want to be a girl a woman like the way They said like romance and broken hearts unwanted Pregnancies I just want your voice in my ears and you In front of me in your subtle way and smelling the wine That has been in your mouth and looking up and down
A harsh reality that unfolds like out of a song the wine Dragging us away into some den of iniquity by which We mean a side street with the lights out and the tall Men in the street with their air of knives feeding drunk Me for which you will be required to pay because I’m your lady and knives and later we walk through Endless bunker corridors of a block of flats of rooms In this safety on this rough blue carpet in your sweet bed The look in your eyes you understood what’s in me You saw me and liked me you knew me and gave me up For shame and that’s all there is it is now ended and I’m not alone but I’m not with you and I want you Sometimes but otherwise it’s just more of the same
The morning bird: Singing into the fog of early dew, cutting the dull Dank clouds with velvet wings, sharp as knives. I watch her between the long, easy breaths of branches And their leafy veils, following her flight through A tunnel of clear dry air until all begins to soak With mourning tears whilst the fields and woodland Stir, and somewhere I catch her mounted by a fairy, Driven down underneath the roots to elven kingdoms.
I drop into my puddle of lost veils: here below, Where the leaves are sweet with fire colours. They stare out from their spines. They crackle Like rotted twigs in the wind, or tiny bones.
i’m talking to you on the phone with the messages, you’re sending me them and I’m sleepy and in the bed and lying next to her and the sheets are up in me, the sun is coming through yellowy; outside the bed is cold inside the bed is warm
you’re talking in my inner ear with your messages and I’m sending you back, the phone is down and on the floor and in my inner eye you’re walking along this sunny afternoon street to me, you’re in her body and I know and you look at me knowingly but you don’t say why. We know it.
you walk over to me on the grass talking normally, her voice not like her, not unlike you, you sit down next to me talking the same message, there is a tree and a house, I don’t register what you’re saying but it is normal and alright
I want to say I can’t look into her eyes with you in them, look a little too long, and see the mouth, nose, brows and in those features your face looking back, I want you to know I went to sleep wet and this is me dreaming
you might be saying, I might be hearing
I’m reaching over to press down on the clit you’re wearing, soft cotton on top and pushing and you moaning, and warm overhanging in the sun, I mount you, feeding you thru her, in the grass, in the heat
in a sharp movement you get up and back into your body, all in one swift motion but not quite, like a few frames of film were missing, and you walk off, and I feel you; behind you and next to me where we shared blood and semen, a red handkerchief lying flat out as if to absorb stains
I wake up wet and look over at her, sleeping in the white sheets in the yellow light, my hair is in my eyes, I reach for the phone and drop it again, I turn over and stretch out on the mattress and on the pillows, and I rub myself in the mattress, and it hurts in my heart but tenderly and I remember how you sometimes wish you are a woman too